December 2011
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I Screwed Up... Again.
I let things get out of control. I just wanted a laugh. Instead I’m angry at myself and I’m angry at the possibility of upsetting other people. I hate this. I hate how fragile I’ve become—how “too nice” I seem. I would rather run myself over time and time again than hurt anyone.
What’s so stupid is that I haven’t hurt anyone. I know I...
November 2011
31 posts
Telepopmusik - “Breathe”
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New Groundwork
I wanted you to be one of the first people I told because I feel like you deserve to know. Honesty has always been key, hasn’t it? I met someone new. And I don’t know if I’m in love with him or if I’m in love with the notion of finding someone who isn’t you that I can freely be with and enjoy… But the point is, he’s there and available. And I’m...
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James Yuill - “No Surprise”
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“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s...”
– Chuck Klosterman
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The Raconteurs - “Steady, As She Goes”
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Glen Hansard and Markets Irglova - “Falling...
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Late Nights
I’ve been up late the past few nights. I can feel you here with me, roaming my hall and living room. I imagine you now laying on the couch, feeling the warmth of the fireplace across your body. You’re relaxed as I sit here and type this small message to you.
I can’t imagine you past the door of my bedroom. Instead, you lean your head on the doorframe and flash your coy smile...
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“I feel like we’re tearing each others hearts out every time.
I feel like...”
– LG
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Brandon Young - “Only the Young”
Look...
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Cracks in the Un-Intentional Armor
For every touch, breath, and move you make, you are slowly undoing what you once did. I can see that things will never be as they once were but you chose to stay and show for me to feel the frightening ways of our existence. This is of no constellation to you. Yet, you’re still there to right the wrongs and melt my solid rock, accepting the drops that flow down my body onto yours.
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Our World Spins
Like two magnets drawn at the very essence, you moved closer. You let go of your grip on the couch’s arm rest and with every move either of us made, the distance proved smaller. Your arm draped across my knees, my hand holding yours. Your head laid on my leg, my forehead to yours, our breaths in sync. I stroked your hair and you sigh. This is what you meant when you wanted to lay with...
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Jay Brannan - “Say It’s...
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A Fine Frenzy - “Think of You”
And I...
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Neck Deep and Fearful
Though you seemed every bit close to perfection even calming my cat when she would arrive with tufts of hair displaced due to another cat fight, it wasn’t until I needed the end that your manipulation would come into play.
I told you I needed time and space, that I had changed and I was scared of the change in me to solidify if I didn’t call attention to it immediately. I asked for...
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I could never understand.
The moment you let me catch my breath, you turn to give up on me.
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The Depth
If my soul were a lake and you were to stand on the edge of a pier looking in, you could never spot the bottom. For it is not crystal blue or black with mud but rather dense. Denser than the wood you stand on; denser than the mud that wood finds stability in.
The surface is a reflection of our own face, the lines of experience soften the face: with wisdom comes compassion. Take a dive in and...
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José González - “Down the Line”
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“Whatever you may think, I care about you, want you, desire you, and hope to one...”
– LG, in an email.
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The Haze
A dense haze has been settling here for years gently covering my heart, my guts, my mind, my eyes like gauze used in Asian body wrapping ceremonies. I haven’t felt the sun on my translucent skin since as far as I can remember. I don’t remember what it’s like to be warm. And when you ask me what I see when I look at you… I see a dense, white haze with an outline...
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It's Raining on the Window Pane
There was this urge to pick up the phone and send you a text. ”Come home soon. I need your cuddles.” The thought stopped me: you wouldn’t get it until morning and the sun would have already saved me by then.
It’s in the moments of darkness, rain, the time that I spend watching the flames in the fireplace that I can feel your hands across my shoulders. You may not...
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Sia - “Breathe Me”
Be my friend; hold...
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