January 2012
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5:32am, Saturday, January 14th
There’s something stunning about early morning, before the sun rises and the frost on the grass has had time to evaporate. It’s quiet except for the wind. Even the nocturnals seem to be in a warm spot, refusing disturbance. Yet, through the stillness and bitter cold that cuts through the body immediately, it is this time of day that I miss, that makes me feel so alive.
I should...
December 2011
0 posts
I Screwed Up... Again.
I let things get out of control. I just wanted a laugh. Instead I’m angry at myself and I’m angry at the possibility of upsetting other people. I hate this. I hate how fragile I’ve become—how “too nice” I seem. I would rather run myself over time and time again than hurt anyone.
What’s so stupid is that I haven’t hurt anyone. I know I...
November 2011
31 posts
Telepopmusik - “Breathe”
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New Groundwork
I wanted you to be one of the first people I told because I feel like you deserve to know. Honesty has always been key, hasn’t it? I met someone new. And I don’t know if I’m in love with him or if I’m in love with the notion of finding someone who isn’t you that I can freely be with and enjoy… But the point is, he’s there and available. And I’m...
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James Yuill - “No Surprise”
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“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s...”
– Chuck Klosterman
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The Raconteurs - “Steady, As She Goes”
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Glen Hansard and Markets Irglova - “Falling...
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Late Nights
I’ve been up late the past few nights. I can feel you here with me, roaming my hall and living room. I imagine you now laying on the couch, feeling the warmth of the fireplace across your body. You’re relaxed as I sit here and type this small message to you.
I can’t imagine you past the door of my bedroom. Instead, you lean your head on the doorframe and flash your coy smile...
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“I feel like we’re tearing each others hearts out every time.
I feel like...”
– LG
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Brandon Young - “Only the Young”
Look...
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Cracks in the Un-Intentional Armor
For every touch, breath, and move you make, you are slowly undoing what you once did. I can see that things will never be as they once were but you chose to stay and show for me to feel the frightening ways of our existence. This is of no constellation to you. Yet, you’re still there to right the wrongs and melt my solid rock, accepting the drops that flow down my body onto yours.
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Our World Spins
Like two magnets drawn at the very essence, you moved closer. You let go of your grip on the couch’s arm rest and with every move either of us made, the distance proved smaller. Your arm draped across my knees, my hand holding yours. Your head laid on my leg, my forehead to yours, our breaths in sync. I stroked your hair and you sigh. This is what you meant when you wanted to lay with...
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Jay Brannan - “Say It’s...
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A Fine Frenzy - “Think of You”
And I...
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Neck Deep and Fearful
Though you seemed every bit close to perfection even calming my cat when she would arrive with tufts of hair displaced due to another cat fight, it wasn’t until I needed the end that your manipulation would come into play.
I told you I needed time and space, that I had changed and I was scared of the change in me to solidify if I didn’t call attention to it immediately. I asked for...
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I could never understand.
The moment you let me catch my breath, you turn to give up on me.
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The Depth
If my soul were a lake and you were to stand on the edge of a pier looking in, you could never spot the bottom. For it is not crystal blue or black with mud but rather dense. Denser than the wood you stand on; denser than the mud that wood finds stability in.
The surface is a reflection of our own face, the lines of experience soften the face: with wisdom comes compassion. Take a dive in and...
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José González - “Down the Line”
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“Whatever you may think, I care about you, want you, desire you, and hope to one...”
– LG, in an email.
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The Haze
A dense haze has been settling here for years gently covering my heart, my guts, my mind, my eyes like gauze used in Asian body wrapping ceremonies. I haven’t felt the sun on my translucent skin since as far as I can remember. I don’t remember what it’s like to be warm. And when you ask me what I see when I look at you… I see a dense, white haze with an outline...
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It's Raining on the Window Pane
There was this urge to pick up the phone and send you a text. ”Come home soon. I need your cuddles.” The thought stopped me: you wouldn’t get it until morning and the sun would have already saved me by then.
It’s in the moments of darkness, rain, the time that I spend watching the flames in the fireplace that I can feel your hands across my shoulders. You may not...
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Sia - “Breathe Me”
Be my friend; hold...
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A Fine Frenzy - “Almost Lover”
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To the Future:
Have you ever watched the second hand on the clock, listen to the consistent interruption within the otherwise silence? It can be easy to ignore, yes, but nevertheless, whether you hear it or not, it never ceases to exist. The sun never ceases to rise in the morning to make it’s redundant path across the sky. And though we may ignore its very presence, we cannot ignore its effects on us...
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“It never changes the fact that each night I fall asleep, I wish it was you...”
– LG
October 2011
4 posts
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It was the End.
We had quit communication all together after that night in the coffee shop. The seal of finality came when your response to my decline for coffee later: “I didn’t want to have coffee with you anyway. I was just being polite.” Defense mechanism.
It wasn’t until March of 2011, two years later, when you popped up genuinely concerned about my car accident in which I totaled...
January 2010
2 posts
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Extra Shot
dearoldlove:
I spend all day in Starbucks waiting for you to come in so I can act surprised.
I often wonder if you do this.
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Antidepressants And Dating | The Frisky →
October 2009
1 post
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“It started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in. Perfect...”
– Kelly Clarkson - “Already Gone”
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Right On
dearoldlove:
It both surprises and disappoints me how often I’m right about you.
August 2009
1 post
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As We Lay in the Sweat
I remember it was September. The air was crisp but the air inside of my car was stale, thick, hot from our heavy breathing. We laid, my on top of you, in the backseat behind a small framed white church. We were just breathing, inhaling and exhaling.
I asked you if we would ever be together. You sighed; you knew where it was going. You and the girlfriend, me and the jealousy. We both had our...
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I Couldn't Tell You.
It wasn’t that long ago, now. I told you I was moving out. I needed to go, get out from the familiar situations and similar faces. You agreed. I truly believe, even now, that you thought this would mean we would see one another more.
We sat across from one another, you smoking your pipe and me with my espresso. We looked so composed, didn’t we? Yet we were screaming inside.
Do...
July 2009
3 posts
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Plan Laid Bare
dearoldlove:
My sneaky plan to seduce you starts with inviting you to coffee. In the meantime, could you work on breaking up with her?
Sound familiar?
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“This is the acceptance speech. The end of anger and denial. I accept that you...”
– I Wrote This for You
June 2009
9 posts
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I Don't Think We Should Be Doing This Anymore...
You: I just think it would be best if we just stopped this; we need to stop talking, stop trying, stop pulling one another along...
Me: Wait. I'm not pulling you along. You know that someone else has filled your spot now.
You: Yes, but we can't be friends either.
Me: Okay. I'm sorry you feel like that.
You: Me too.
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I pulled out my old journal today.
I turned it to the first page, when I was hoping I could make our story a piece of fiction for publication. It was about a scene with a couple facing one another at a late night pizza joint in a rather large city. She was nervous; he was persistent. She fumbled with words and repetatively stabbed her lime in her water.
I remember that night in Greensboro. You were trying to prove to me that...
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It's Been Over a Year Now...
since we first began. That first day was in May, the 6th, of 2008. It’s now June 11, 2009. The ending left me in shambles much more than you. You quit speaking to me abruptly without any source of answers. Days passed, weeks. I heard nothing, no sign of you at all except your slow disappearance.
First you slid slowly out of sight from my original Tumblr, then my Twitter count fell, as...
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“Our relationship is a comedy to those who witness it; a tragedy for those who...”
– Me to you yesterday over coffee.
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How It All Started.
I wish I could say we were young and stupid, me and you. I wish I could blame it on being in love or smitten but if we were both to be honest, the truth would be this: you showed me attention and I was really horny. The sexual tension swallowed us whole and before we knew it our relationship went from flirting friends to lovers, 0 to 80 in 30 seconds flat… on my manager’s...
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“You taught and turned me into what I am with fire and steel and hurt and hate...”
– I Wrote This For You.